John Heaton (jheaton) wrote,
John Heaton

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Christmas in the doghouse

First of all, I dug around through my music archives and determined that the version of "How Far Is It To Bethlehem" performed by the Cathedral Choral Society in 2000 was by Geoffrey Shaw.

And now for something completely different.

Christmas in the doghouse

It was Christmas day in the doghouse,
and no one had a bone,
and one dog who was desperate
was chewing up the phone-book,
when suddenly to their surprise
a canine Santa came
and luckily they had no logs
or he'd have been aflame.

Good news I bring the Santa said
('cos he knew how to speak)
from now on I'll be visiting the doghouse
once a week,
we'll break the human habit
they seem to hold so dear;
good will to fellow creatures,
but only once a year.
It's true we tend to urinate
around the Christmas tree,
but we're fit to lead
and not be led
in spreading Christmas glee.

They didn't want a sermon though
that's not why he was there
they all piled in like vermin
to his sack of Christmas fare,
and they eated all the bones up
and they treated Santa rough,
and as he left the doghouse
he said once a year's enough.

John Hegley (1953-)

I found this poem in The Young Oxford Book of Christmas Poems, which is a marvelous collection of seasonal poetry. John Hegley is a British poet, and while I certainly don't wish Andrew Motion ill, I think Hegley should definitely be the next Poet Laureate of England. You can read more of his poetry at his Word Wild Web Site.

Tags: advent: 2003, poet's corner

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