September 19th, 2009

awkward pirate

Poet's Corner: Talk Like a Pirate Day, part I

Captain Kidd

This person in the gaudy clothes
Is worth Captain Kidd.
They say he never buried gold.
I think, perhaps, he did.

They say it's all a story that
His favorite little song
Was "Make these lubbers walk the plank!"
I think, perhaps, they're wrong.

They say he never pirated
Beneath the Skull-and-Bones.
He merely traveled for his health
And spoke in soothing tones.
In fact, you'll read in nearly all
The newer history books
That he was mild as cottage cheese
—But I don't like his looks!

Stephen Vincent Beneét (1898 – 1943)

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awkward pirate

Poet's Corner: Talk Like a Pirate Day, part II

The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee

Ho, for the Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee!
He was as wicked as wicked could be,
But oh, he was perfectly gorgeous to see!
The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

His conscience, of course, was as black as a bat,
But he had a floppety plume on his hat
And when he went walking it jiggled -- like that!
The plume of the Pirate Dowdee.

His coat it was crimson and cut with a slash,
And often as ever he twirled his mustache
Deep down in the ocean the mermaids went splash,
Because of Don Durk of Dowdee.

Moreover, Dowdee had a purple tattoo,
And stuck in his belt where he buckled it through
Were a dagger, a dirk and a squizzamaroo,
For fierce was the Pirate Dowdee.

So fearful he was he would shoot at a puff,
And always at sea when the weather grew rough
He drank from a bottle and wrote on his cuff,
Did Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

Oh, he had a cutlass that swung at his thigh
And he had a parrot called Pepperkin Pye,
And a zigzaggy scar at the end of his eye
Had Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

He kept in a cavern, this buccaneer bold,
A curious chest that was covered with mould,
And all of his pockets were jingly with gold!
Oh jing! went the gold of Dowdee.

His conscience, of course, it was crook'd like a squash,
But both of his boots made a slickery slosh,
And he went through the world with a wonderful swash,
Did the Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

It's true he was wicked as wicked could be,
His sins they outnumbered a hundred and three,
But oh, he was perfectly gorgeous to see,
The Pirate Don Durk of Dowdee.

Mildred Plew Meigs (1892 – 1944)

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awkward pirate

Poet's Corner: Talk Like a Pirate Day, part III

Hey, It's Can(n)on

Ye've read the Harry Potter books, ye think ye know 'em through
But there's something that ye may not know, and here's a little clue:
The female of the Trio has her birthday on
Talk Like A Pirate Day so heads up, Harry and Ron!

When she found out, her eyes she rolled, an' she went on knittin' socks,
But Harry said, "I've got the gold, let's head down to the docks,"
They traded lots o' Galleons for a lovely brigantine,
And now they're her young stallions and she's a pirate queen!

Come here, ye lads and lasses, I tell ye, she's the one,
Give a cheer and raise yer glasses, but not till class is done
Though she's only seventeen, she's smarter than Dumbledore,
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

Her white shirt and black leather they complement her eyes,
A red sash brings it t'gether (and the boots half up her thighs)
Cap'n Hook's a fan and Jack Sparrow thinks it's great,
It's in the books, it's canon, so let's all celebrate!

Hoist the mainsil', wind the capstan, give it all ye got,
The firewhiskey and th' captain both are really hot,
Here's a Happy Birthday to the girl that we adore,
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

She taxidermied Pettigrew, and on the bridge he sat,
'Cause after all, what pirate ship doesn't have a rat?
She Incarcerous'd young Malfoy so he could not escape,
And one Petrificus later, she made him walk the Snape!

Dolohov she'll finish off, and Bellatrix she'll foil,
Lucius'll land in Azkaban and likewise Crabbe and Goyle,
She laughs at danger, thinks it's keen -- bring on Voldemor -- TT!
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

Now here's the part we talk about with whom she's lockin' lips,
'Cause after all, a pirate queen has got to have her 'ships,
Some say Harry's her true love, or Ron she will betroth,
She finally cried, "I can't decide, I'll have to have 'em both!"

Who's the sassy bossy witch that all the boys pursue?
Grander than the Golden Snitch and more elusive too.
One may Seeker, one may Keeper, both know how to score, with
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

And so the Seven Seas she sails, in deadly hot pursuit
of getting perfect O.W.L.s and acing every N.E.W.T.
Some think she's just a bookworm, but I am here ta say
She's got this pirate thing down cold every natal day!

Come here, ye lads and lasses, I tell ye, she's the one,
Give a cheer and raise yer glasses, but not till class is done
She'll go down in history, the one we're singin' for,
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

Tom Smith (born 1960)

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awkward pirate

Talking like a pirate is so passe

Why talk like a pirate when you could sing like a pirate? This is from the 2006 University of Iowa Summer Opera presentation of The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan:



Back in 2002, when I was a member of the Cathedral Choral Society, I performed this piece with the National Symphony Orchestra at their Gilbert and Sullivan Galore! concert at Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts. It was a fun concert, a nice change of pace from the sacred music we usually performed. I remember it got a pretty good review in the Washington Post, in which the chorus was described as "stylishly apt." Eight years later, I still have no idea what that means.
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