John Heaton (jheaton) wrote,
John Heaton

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What do you think of me, iTunes player?
Dandy Warhols, "We Used To Be Friends"

Will I have a happy life?
The Free Design, "I Found Love"
(Sounds good to me.)

What do my friends really think of me?
ABBA, "The Name of the Game"
(People are unsure of my intentions? They worry that I'm leading them on? Huh.)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Ben Folds, "Still Fighting It"
(Apparently the question is so self-evidently ludicrous that iTunes has completely changed the subject.)

What should I do with my life?
Billy Joel, "Vienna"
("Slow down, you crazy child..." Good advice.)

Why must life be so full of pain?
Rita Marley, "One Draw"
(My God, Reefer Madness was right!)

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Splendora, "You're Standing on My Neck"
(No standing on my partner's neck. Got it.)

Will I ever have children?
Jonathan Elias, "Compassion"
(Reading the text (see right inset), I'm going to take that as a no.)

Will I die happy?
The Beatles, "Blackbird"
(Hmm. Tricky. I'll say that's a qualified "yes.")

Can you give me some advice?
Queen Latifah, "Life"
("Life is what you make it." Hey, that's actually pretty good advice.)

What do you think happiness is?
Carly Simon, "You're So Vain"
(Happiness is talking trash about those you do you wrong, apparently.)

What's my favorite fetish?
XTC, "This World Over"
(Good grief. There are any number of interpretations for that answer, none of them pleasant...)

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