John Heaton (jheaton) wrote,
John Heaton
jheaton

Many random things: August 4

I've not posted a list since Monday. Shame on me, but I've been under the weather, so most of my time outside of work has been spent asleep. But now I'm better, and I've got to make up for lost time. The idea of doing a list of 40 things seemed daunting, until I remembered that I have floating around somewhere a list I made back in 1988 of my favorite songs of my forty favorite songs from 1987. Unfortunately, the key word in that sentence turned out to be "somewhere," so I was forced to consider other options. For example, I have here next to me a list of the 100 greatest books of all time, as determined by Penguin Classics. I could easily cull 40 works from that list, but if I'm going to post 40% of something, I may as well just post the whole damn thing. Or, better yet, link to it. All the other ideas I had seemed like they'd be a lot of work, and nuts to that. So here's a list of forty things I was able to throw together quickly.

Forty quotes from my database of interesting or amusing quotes:

  1. Sometimes I look at my children and I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin."
         - Lillian Carter
  2. Politics are very much like war. We may even have to use poison gas at times.
         - Winston Churchill
  3. Most of us, when all is said and done, like what we like and make up reasons for it afterwards.
         - Soren F. Petersen
  4. When the president does it, that means it is not illegal.
         - Richard Nixon
  5. When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
         - Kin Hubbard
  6. He doesn't believe in waste. On Full Metal Jacket, sometimes he had only six people. One day he had a set lit, and he told the electrician, "OK, this set is lit and it's not going to change, so I don't need you here anymore." So he sent the guy over to work on the wiring on his house.
         - Matthew Modine on Stanley Kubrick
  7. Prohibition was an extremely difficult period for the Busch family.
         - August A. Busch III
  8. I'm more interesting than a wet pussycat!
         - Monty Python's Flying Circus
  9. I arrived just as the smoke was clearing and the exhausted, overheated soldiers were leaving the field. The batle was over. Frankly, it's my favorite way of arriving at a battle - a finely honed social skill that came in handy during 32 months in Indochina.
         - Phil McCombs
  10. If Clinton roamed the corridors of the White House shooting everyone in sight and then, soaked in blood, seized the airwaves to declare that he is the living antichrist, his rating would probably shoot up another 10 points.
         - John Cartman
  11. It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
         - Alfred Adler
  12. That's the world of the 90s. Too many Supermen. Not enough Clark Kents.
         - Jules Feiffer
  13. It gets real lonely as a moderate activist, standing alone with a sign that reads "Reasonable informed discussion of the issues, as soon as is feasable!".
         - James Nicoll
  14. Any phrase that includes the word "bouncing" immediately loses any sense of darkness and mystery. Example: "Jones opened the door, a heavy oaken barrier blockading the dark office from intruders. Suddenly, from the other end of the hall, a bullet came bouncing along the inlaid wood floor." Doesn't quite work.
         - Leif Olson
  15. If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.
         - William Feather
  16. You can always count on American culture to make today's excruciating embarrassment into tomorrow's innocent memory.
         - James Poniewozik
  17. There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend.
         - Kevin Williamson
  18. I finished Bridget Jones' Diary today. I was happy she ended up with Mark Darcy.

    It's official, I'm a girl.
         - John Heaton
  19. Another excellent speaker is Ronald Reagan, who can present almost any idiot notion in such a way as to make you think he sincerely believes it. "He sincerely believes that idiot notion," you think, and you respect him all the more for it.
         - Dave Barry
  20. A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth.
         - Michael Kinsley
  21. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
         - Wernher von Braun
  22. Never mistake motion for action.
         - Ernest Hemingway
  23. Sometimes I think about going to the gym and working out in order to impress women, but hey, that's why I learned UNIX.
         - Mike B.
  24. Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
         - Will Durant
  25. Any given person is an aberration.
         - Michael Chary
  26. There's always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
         - H. L. Mencken
  27. President Clinton closed Pennsylvania Avenue. And it's working out pretty well -- not a single gunman has been hit by a car.
         - Jay Leno
  28. Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
         - John Stuart Mill
  29. Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word.
         - Kyle Baker, The Cowboy Wally Show
  30. I've had enough experience with debacles to know when to cut your losses.
         - Francis, on Malcolm in the Middle
  31. If early indications hold true, these aren't the 1998 Winter Olympics so much as they are Tara Lipinski's Trip To Nagano and Other, Lesser Sports.
         - Philip Michaels on CBS Olympic coverage
  32. Republicans are about as lovable as cold sores.
         - Philip Michaels
  33. I don't make jokes -- I just watch the government and report the facts.
         - Will Rogers
  34. If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.
         - George Washington
  35. The problems started back during the Reagan administration, which had so many ethics problems that, to save time, high-ranking officials were being sworn in and indicted in one combined ceremony.
         - Dave Barry
  36. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
         - Dave Barry
  37. Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
         - Monty Python's Flying Circus
  38. That's the trouble with government: fixing things that aren't broken and not fixing things that are broken.
         - Bert Lance
  39. It's hard to see why someone age 68 should automatically pay lower taxes than someone age 28 with the same income, yet that happens.
         - Robert Samuelson
  40. There are some TV memories that cause you to take a knife to your own gut so you can chew on your intestines in order to distract yourself from the nightmare, forming unbidden, in your head. The Love Boat is one of these memories.
         - Greg Knauss

Incidentally, this is one of those relatively rare lists which is genuinely random. Usually they're more arbitrary than random, but these were selected for me from my quote database by a CGI randomizer. The only changes I made were to eliminate a couple of duplicates. (The Kin Hubbard on came up twice, as did one of the others.)

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