John Heaton (jheaton) wrote,
John Heaton
jheaton

Ten random things: Reader Request Month, day 18

Ten favorite instances of cartoon or comic violence:

  1. "Duck season! Fire!" (Chuck Jones animated short Rabbit Fire)
  2. Matter-Eater Lad hits Polar Boy in the face with a yellow pie to prove he's powerless against the color yellow and thus a Green Lantern (Legion of Super-Heroes (vol. 4) no. 11)
  3. Mysto the Magnificent uses his magical wand to disrupt a recital by the Great Poochini (Tex Avery animated short Magical Maestro)
  4. FWAM (Lio comic strip)
  5. Four horseshoes and a horse fall onto the head of a mean dog after a black cat crosses his path (Tex Avery animated short Bad Luck Blackie)
  6. Ignatz Mouse brains Krazy Kat with a brick (Krazy Kat comic strip)
  7. Godzilla steps on and crushes Bambi (Animated short Bambi Meets Godzilla)
  8. "We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D. Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the University of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date, no explanation has been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release. Mr. Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

    To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time, Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at full extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release. At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in the air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities. The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, where upon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed. The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity. At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time. The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues, a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion-like wheezing with every step." (Unidentified Road Runner animated short, rendered into legalese by Ian Frazier)
  9. "Gaze into the fist of Dredd!" ("Judge Death Lives" from 2000 AD no. 228)
  10. Itchy rips Scratchy's heart out of his chest and gives it to him as a Valentine's Day present (The Simpsons episode "I Love Lisa")

Today's list is for fizzball, who wanted to see Ignatz Mouse mentioned in a list.

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