John Heaton (jheaton) wrote,
John Heaton

  • Music:

The one about Colonel Sanders and the Pope

By request:

Sales were way down at Kentucky Fried Chicken. They'd tried everything they could think of, but the numbers kept getting worse and worse. Finally, Colonel Sanders decided he needed to do something drastic. So he got on a plane to go to Vatican City for an audience with the Pope. When he got in to see him, he said, "Your Holiness, I really need your help. Sales at Kentucky Fried Chicken are way down. We've tried everything, and nothing has worked. But I think it would help a lot if you changed the words of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken." I understand this is a big change, so I'm prepare to give the Church five million dollars to make it happen."

The Pope shook his sadly and said, "My son, I am truly sorry, and I wish I could help, but what you have to realize is that prayer was given unto us my our Lord and Savior. It would be an affront to Him for us to alter His prayer in that way." So Colonel Sanders went back to the U.S.

Three months later, sales were still in the toilet, so he got back on the plane to try again. "Your Eminence, I'm sorry to bother you with this again, but people just aren't eating as much chicken as they used to. It would really help us if you would change the words of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken." And this time, I'm prepared to offer the Church fifty million dollars for this small favor."

The Pope sighed and said, "My son, that is a truly generous offer, and the Church could do many good works with that money. But you must realize that the Lord's Prayer is holy to us, and that that to change it in the way you propose would not only go against centuries of tradition, but would be an unforgivable act of hubris. We simply cannot insult our Lord by changing His prayer." So Colonel Sanders went back to the U.S.

But sales continued to drop, so three months later he decided he had to make one last attempt, and he flew back to the Holy See to have another talk with the Pope. "Your Grace, I'm at the end of my rope. At the rate things are going, we'll be bankrupt by the end of the year. So I beg of you, please change the words of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken." I will write you a check for 500 million dollars if you can make this happen."

The Pope bowed his head and said, "My son, I have explained before that the Lord's Prayer is holy to us. But five hundred million dollars... with such an gift, we could provide assistance to hundreds of thousands of people in desperate need of help around the world. I cannot believe Our Lord would want me to pass up such an opportunity, so I will do as you ask. The words of the Lord's Prayer shall be changed from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken." Go in peace." So the Colonel wrote the check and returned to the U.S. a happy man.

The Pope then called a meeting of his cardinals. Once they had all gathered, he said, "Gentleman, I have called you here to share some good news and some bad news. The good news is that Colonel Sanders has given the Church five hundred million dollars." Pandemonium! The cardinals talked excitedly among themselves about what they might do with the money. Finally, order was restored and one of the the cardinals said, "Your Holiness, you said there was both good news and bad news. What is the bad news?"

[The bad news is...]"The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."

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